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Stay or go – making decisions

One of the reoccurring themes my clients, friends and colleagues bring to me are tough, sticky decisions that they are struggling to make. What causes their indecision can be a mixture of things: fear, impact on others or aspects of their lives, cash, time, ease of doing nothing and often, simply not knowing what they really want.

The good news is we all make 1000s of decisions every day, every minute, every second. And for the vast majority of time, things turn out right. Yes, sometimes things go bad for a while, but ultimately things will go right…really right.

Our brains rely on what they’ve seen, heard and done before. That childhood memory of falling off your bike. An article in a newspaper. The slogan of a famous brand. A friend’s comment on your new shirt. Plus all the rest and it stores them all up just in case each titbit can help you make some future decision.

I want to share a framework I use myself and with my coachees and  delegates: Head, Heart and Hands.

Head – the centre of logic and objectivity.

Ask your head what is its reaction? Can you write out the pros and cons of the decision? Can you state facts or evidence to support or squash the decision in front of you? Is there an expert to consult?

Heart – the centre of emotion and subjectivity.

Is your heart bumping with excitement or fear? How would you feel if you decide one way or the other – happy, peaceful and calm or regret, guilt and sadness? Would you want to shout it from the roof tops or hide it away in shame? Can you measure the decision positively against your core values and beliefs?

Hands – the centre of action and doing.

Can you see yourself in the midst of your decision fully motivated and energised? Does the decision enable you to be your best you, using all your talents and passions? Are you itching to get started or running to hide behind the curtains?

You need harmony and agreement between them all or to be able to acknowledge the disagreement and mitigate it. For example, is that shiny new role going to involve a task or attribute that you’re not super keen on – will it kill your “joie de vie” or would it be bearable for a while to achieve your bigger goal?

What are you making decisions about this week? Any you’re really  wrangling with? Maybe I can help. Give me a shout, drop me a line or maybe you have a cool technique or strategy for tough decisions, share it in the comments.

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out of inspiration – kickstart your mojo

I spent some of my time today surfing around online and reading emails instead of writing this b-mail. Why? I needed inspiration and there it was, I knew what to write about. How to get unstuck when you’re lacking inspiration.

Whether you’re wanting to get on with your day to day or strategize how you want to shape your life longer term, you’ll need some. You’re asked to write a comms piece at work or have friends coming to dinner – ouch mental block – a spot of Googling might just pop up the answer.

However the long term game is a bit different. Career change, such as switching to a new path, starting your own enterprise, or a life change, like ending a relationship or improving your fitness can need a different type of inspiration to take you from vague idea to achievable, exciting action.

First off, don’t sweat it. Inspiration will come.

Next, where do you usually get your inspiration from? Try those old faithful sources. No joy?

Sometimes, you need to try something out of your norm to get new, fresh results. Edward de Bono (yes him of the 6 hats fame) talks about stepping outside your rivers of thinking. Picture a mountain with several routes for water to flow down it – the water is going to take the easiest option and soon a wide valley is created. But around the edges are little streams, creeks and brooks – the route less travelled. Add a dam and the water seeks a new or alternative routes.

Your brain is just the same – gazillions of neural pathways exist and the ones most regularly travelled become wider and stronger, just like the river. By switching your inspiration method, tool or source, you create a new pathway and like any muscle, with use, it will grow stronger.

So, please have a borrow from some of my favourites. For small ‘a-ha’s of inspiration, check out:

  • pinterest – for words or pictures of wisdom and why not create a board of the thing you’re seeking to achieve?
  • brainpickings – a collection of great thinkers, presented in an easy to read visual format
  • twitter – a short sharp blast of exciting things from people you admire, desire, idolise, add you own word here
  • flick through an old book or two – you know the ones you could hardly put down and reminisce
  • change your workspace – clear the clutter, sit in the bath, face the window or go somewhere else
  • go for a walk – whether to grab a coffee or juice or around the nearest park, take 30 minutes out and try to really take in the sights, sound and smells
  • dance it out – stop, put some music on and do your happy dance, best dad dance, birdy dance….whatever comes to get your blood pumping in time with your songs

And now the big ones:

  • free writing – grab a favourite pen and a big piece of paper, then write. Anything. Pour it all out. No editing. Everything is valid. Let your mind wander until it strikes gold
  • ask a friend to teach you something they’re passionate about – knitting, a new recipe or a mediation technique. All good.
  • write yourself a letter – explain what you’re trying to do and what you need to get going
  • create a perfect patchwork role model of future you (or future job, house, body, etc.) from your various heros and heroines. Let me give you an example, you might want a fitness patchwork you based Jess Ennis-Hill’s abs with Laura Trott’s post race glow (how does she do it!?!) or your new career path might be stitched together from the atmosphere at your favourite coffee bar, a crowd of likeminded people and your personal favourite work items
  • seek others’ perspective – develop a list of questions you need answering and interview people who are doing what you want (or similar), those who have a “stake” in your change (your best mate, your mentor or your bank manager) AND anyone who can add a totally different point of view (your nemesis job holder, your overseas pen pal or a potential customer)
  • and breathe – you don’t need to do it all at once and the best made plans need to flex and grow over time to deliver the most amazing results possible

This week, I’d love you to flex your muscle, try out some new inspirations – go and dive into a new river – plus please share your best ones with us in the comments. I’d love some new dance tunes or a great book or person to stalk…I mean follow….. ahem 😉

  • David

    I’d suggest getting off the computer for a bit lol! Have a coffee with a friend – someone who is clever and independent and let them draw out from you what is already there. Because it is.

    • Sarae

      Hello David!
      You’re right, many of us are in technology overload with our computers, tablet devices, smartphones and the like on all the time.

      I love your sense that everyone is resourceful and can provide from within – a key belief I hold true as a coach.

      Thanks for commenting!

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smell your roses – gratitude for what you’ve got

Over the last few weeks, lots of people around me in person and online are talking about gratitude. It’s catching – I’ve been at it too; with clients, friends and even posting photos on my Facebook timelines about it.

What I’ve noticed is when they do it a big fat grin spreads across their face. They seem more alive, more in the moment and more radiant.

How’s it work? One of my favourite people taught me this “energy flows, where attention goes” – thank you Carol x. By recognising what you have to be grateful for in your life, the people around you, inside you and so on turns your attention to these small, but significant pieces of happiness in your life. And small things when brought together make a huge, ginormous collection of wonderful things.

Your energy gets poured into enjoying and cherishing the positives in your life, rather than dwelling on the negatives. The head and the heart take pleasure in this; your mood improves, your energy levels increase to tackle the next thing.

Here’s a glimpse of what’s in my collection right now:

  • Opportunity to learn with likeminded people
  • Collaborating with inspiring people on great client projects
  • A big bunch of my favourite bluey purple hydrangeas

my favourites

  • Having my dinner made for me after a hard, long day
  • My new business cards looking so cute
  • Finding our new wall calendar for 2014 on etsy
  • Enormous smiles on whatsapp from our goddaughter
  • Giving my sister an a-ha moment
  • Oh and how could I forget my sneakers – love, love, love them, but guess you already know that 🙂

 

Wow even writing that list has made me feel more awake than any coffee or green smoothie could. Why don’t you try it? Take a couple of minutes each day and ask yourself what are you grateful for right now?

Help yourself over that mid-afternoon slump, build momentum to complete a daunting task or person and for moving towards that life stretch you desire.

Create a visual prompt – like this beautiful desktop wallpaper – each time you close down your docs, spread sheets and email, take a split second to count one rose. (This is by the lovely Nicole Wise Sturt) Or use a journal by your bedside to jot your gems down. Why not make a pinterest board?

And to get you rolling, why not share yours in the comments or on the Facebook page?

PS 2 more for my list – I’m grateful to share my b-mails with you and your reading them xx

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go pro in Team U to achieve your stretch

Making big changes to your life, career, health, even your hairstyle can be fraught with questions you can’t answer, doubts about getting started and importantly who to turn to for help. OK I’m not gifted in the hair department (I love my curls!), but I do know a thing or two about adding stretch. I know those who share their change, seek inputs and support make the change with style and in less time than those who go it alone:

  • Career changer? If you are keen to move to a competitor or a new role, tell others you want it and instantly increase the number of people looking for your perfect opportunity!
  • Life changer? Maybe you want a better work/life balance or to adopt new health or thinking habit?  Tell others and you’ll get “real life” angels and devils on your shoulders to motivate and push you to succeed.

I think you need a team.

Friends and family can be on your team; they share brilliant advice and suggestions, because they know you really well and want the very best for you. They just don’t get to play every part. Sometimes, they can also be clouded by a desire to protect you or are super comfortable with you just as you are. You need to include some professionals to provide impartial insights and learn through their skills and experience to avoid wasting your time, efforts and money.

Let me give you an example: me.

When I announced my intention to work a 4 day week and study to be a Pilates Teacher, my parents got concerned about my bills, my other half worried about us getting a mortgage, my friends figured I’d have no time for them. All valid concerns and said to ensure I didn’t get into a terrible mess, which I am grateful for. But this wasn’t going to get me thorough 2 years+ of training, practice and exams and ultimately, towards the life I wanted.

I went out and widened my team. Holly, my Pilates teacher became my mentor. My osteopath, Richard, became a fountain of all things anatomy related. My coach, Steph, provided me with encouragement by simply believing I could be successful and helping me to challenge beliefs that were limiting my progress. I read all sorts of blogs, books and experts’ sites. I built a network of peers and learned from their triumphs and failures.

The best thing was I never felt alone – there was always someone to turn to – friend, family, peer, professional. And here I am running my own business, supporting wonderful people in their life stretch and change as a coach, trainer and Pilates teacher. My bills get paid, I have a mortgage and by following my passions, I’m happier. Especially knowing I’m part of your team! Thank you for reading my b-mails, sharing and commenting on Facebook or tweeting my content – and don’t forget, you can also explore this site for other ways I can help. (new page alert!)

Who’s on your team? Who needs a new role to play and importantly, who’s missing? Tell me in the comments about your team and what role they play in “Team U”.

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you need to move it, move it – body and mind in action

You all know I’m passionate about how your body and mind work – especially how one can support the other’s change.

Two of my favourite experts are Amy Cuddy, a Harvard Social Psychologist and Doctor Dance aka Peter Lovatt of the Dance Psychology lab. Both work to learn how moving our bodies affects our brains – in Cuddy’s case to see how hormones change our peformance and Peter uses dance to change our abilities and mood.

Your self-perception of your abilities to do something can creep out into your body language – if you’re unsure or lacking confidence, your body posture will typically become smaller. You might cross your arms, avoid eye contact or fidget with your hands. However, feeling great about yourself makes you stand a touch taller, smile more and exude more warmth.

Amy and her team started to measure 2 hormone changes, testosterone and cortisol. The first you’ll know is the “male” hormone and affects our risk taking and the second is the “stress” hormone. Her research focused on hormonal changes in students as they were interviewed. Prior to the interview, some were asked to “power pose” – large, open body postures – and others to adopt low status poses – ie hunched over to make themselves smaller with limbs crossed.

The results? Power posing tricks the brain into increasing testosterone and decreasing cortisol: students relaxed and felt more confident. Importantly, they performed better in their interviews.

The Dance Psychology lab is seeking to understand why dancing changes the way we feel. I saw Doctor Dance at a School of Life Sunday Sermon and did some curvy belly dancing and line dancing. Shoulder shimmying and swirling arms open up our creative thinking; whilst the squarer steps gave our logic problem solving skills a boost. WOW! You can watch the sermon here on his next School of Life event page, a dance night in October. I’ll be there and hope you’ll join me.

I use a combination of these to raise my game, increase my personal impact and inspiration. With teams, I’ve incorporated power posing to presentation and influencing skills training and worked with individuals to increase their confidence ahead of difficult situations. By changing body position, posture, gestures and so on, you can make your brain function better, change your mood and open up opportunities. Bringing your body and mind into harmony

Do you consider your body when approaching a situation where you want to be at your best or when your mood needs an uplift? Let us know in the comments; what you do and any favourite tracks to get you moving!

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