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ditch distractions and get focused! part 1

You know I love sharing skills, techniques and the like with others to enrich their lives. I ensure participants leave with new knowledge AND ways to use their learning immediately.

But, sometimes they get distracted, even when they reeeeaalllllyyy want the change and all its goodness.

Our brains are buzzing away with all sorts of stuff – important info, funny anecdotes, facts and figures, calendar appointments and deadlines, and the list goes on. Then add in the complexity of our modern world lives – work, family, friends, fun and the list gets longer. Then add in the connectivity we enjoy – email, smartphones, Twitter, Facebook and all the rest……..

You still reading? Did your email just ping? Text messages ping?

Hey, back here please. Thank you 🙂

To keep distraction at bay, I believe you need to create a habit around your change activity and to get super clear on your “why”. These are tooo juicy to cover both in one b-mail, so more on clarifying your why in next week. Here’s an example of how a habit can help.

When I’m teaching a Pilates class, regardless of my students’ abilities or experience, my habit is to start with 3 standing roll downs and to end with one.

Why? 2 reasons. It helps them and it helps me stop the distractions and focus in on what we’re doing.

The first 3 roll downs get everyone’s heads out of whatever happened for them before the class. You know what it’s like getting to leave work on time, squeezing in that final task and then the joys of public transport at rush hour! Yuk! It also acts as a check of our status quo – tense neck muscles, stiff lower lumbers, engaging their cores and allowing our breathing to flow to our lower ribs.

The final roll down is to close the session and our learning, to release us into our next activity. It also serves as a “review” of their progress over the hour. Are they moving more smoooooothly? Can they breathe a bit deeper? For me, I also add in “are they wearing a big fat grin to see them through their week?”.

And in that hour, they’ve focused on their bodies, breathing and movements and added some stretch into their lives. Distractions? What distractions?

I want to get personal – what habits can you build about your change activities? Let’s look at a few different types of change to give you some inspiration.

Fit in a run 3 times a week: habits could include putting your trainers and shorts out just before bedtime, timing yourself each time to check your improvement and a hot, invigorating shower afterwards.

Growing your online network: planning time for tweets and posts of your insights, learning or news items and additional time to read and enjoy others’ content. Be sure to comment and contribute to blogs and groups. Why not, set yourself a weekly target number of actions?

Study a course module: using the same, specific notebook and pen each session, starting with a “parking lot” (a list of all those things buzzing in your head – get them out and parked on the page) and setting a measurable outcome (like what chapter to get through, what you’ll be able to recall, or the application of your learning at the end of the session).

Now your turn, what habits can you build into your change activities to stop the distractions? Use the comments to let us know what they are AND how they help focus you on achieving your change activities.

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life’s lemons and self acceptance

You’re working away on adding that important stretch to your life, everything is going well. You’re moving towards your goal or new role or better fitness and then……BAM! You’re thrown a lemon that knocks you off track; maybe a request from a friend or boss, or an injury, or a big bill.

What do you do? How do you handle it? Hair pulling? Nail biting? Or perhaps you pull up your socks, push through and add that extra thing or bunch of tasks onto your chocker to-do list? Even when you know it’s going to exhaust you.

I love a motivated person as much as you and I’m always thrilled to hear how you’re heading forward to the great things you want. I’m equally saddened by seeing people drive themselves into the ground, making them sick and all out of energy to actually enjoy their successes.

So this week, a simple message: take it easy on yourself and add a bit of acceptance in your life.

I’m not saying give up or that you should just accept your “reality” as it is. Nope – you know me better than that: I’m all for adding change and stretch to create the life you want and I absolutely want you to enjoy it once you get there!

That means sometimes being a little patient with what’s been thrown at you in the moment and accepting you can’t be all things in all situations. You’re human, not super human and have just 24 hours in the day, a bunch of responsibilities on your shoulders and people you care for. Deal with whatever has come up, make sure you’ve fully sorted it and come back to your plans as soon as you’re able.

If life is throwing you a few lemons, choose to make something of them. Lemonade is always refreshing and best enjoyed after you complete a challenging task or action.

What lemons have you caught and how are you accepting yourself this week? I’d love to hear how you’re achieving a balance and keeping your focus on the real goals you have.

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bump in the night – change your self talk

No, not trick or treaters knocking on your door tonight. No, I mean that little voice you hear when you’re alone with your thoughts. You know the one.

That negative soundtrack on repeat, saying you’re not good enough or you’ll never do it or tells you what a fool you are. Self talk can be a great regulator of your behaviours, but when the negative one switches on, it can become a complete blocker to your change.

Our soundtracks are learnt as we move through life with its ups and downs. When you’re feeling great, you control the volume. However during times of change, uncertainty or when you’re in unchartered waters, it can go out of control.

As you stretch into your new life, don’t let this hold you back. When your negative soundtrack shouts out, you need to reach out for a new tune, a positive self-talk soundtrack. By reframing, you’re effectively editing and re-recording your soundtrack.

Next time you hear that familiar old tune, reframe and start listening to something new:

  1. Pause it – stop the sound and breathe into the silence.
  2. Review it – chat with your self talk, ask why it’s doing what it’s doing.
  3. Remix it – get specific, what would enable you, support you and motivate you?
  4. Record it – create a series of positive statements.
  5. Play it – listen hard and often to your new soundtrack.

Want to make it more powerful? Add reminders for your other senses. For example, create an album cover aka a suitable picture, cartoon or quote and stick it somewhere you look often (back of your front door, inside your notebook or your phone’s home screen – I like this for a quick boost!). Try anchoring, an NLP technique that helps create a physical trigger for your desired outcome. And don’t forget to share it with your friends, mentors and supporters – we all love a good tune and want to dance along with you.

Tell me below: what self talk goes bump in the night for you? And how are you putting it to bed? (Oh and don’t forget to check underneath your bed first – boo!)

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Stay or go – making decisions

One of the reoccurring themes my clients, friends and colleagues bring to me are tough, sticky decisions that they are struggling to make. What causes their indecision can be a mixture of things: fear, impact on others or aspects of their lives, cash, time, ease of doing nothing and often, simply not knowing what they really want.

The good news is we all make 1000s of decisions every day, every minute, every second. And for the vast majority of time, things turn out right. Yes, sometimes things go bad for a while, but ultimately things will go right…really right.

Our brains rely on what they’ve seen, heard and done before. That childhood memory of falling off your bike. An article in a newspaper. The slogan of a famous brand. A friend’s comment on your new shirt. Plus all the rest and it stores them all up just in case each titbit can help you make some future decision.

I want to share a framework I use myself and with my coachees and  delegates: Head, Heart and Hands.

Head – the centre of logic and objectivity.

Ask your head what is its reaction? Can you write out the pros and cons of the decision? Can you state facts or evidence to support or squash the decision in front of you? Is there an expert to consult?

Heart – the centre of emotion and subjectivity.

Is your heart bumping with excitement or fear? How would you feel if you decide one way or the other – happy, peaceful and calm or regret, guilt and sadness? Would you want to shout it from the roof tops or hide it away in shame? Can you measure the decision positively against your core values and beliefs?

Hands – the centre of action and doing.

Can you see yourself in the midst of your decision fully motivated and energised? Does the decision enable you to be your best you, using all your talents and passions? Are you itching to get started or running to hide behind the curtains?

You need harmony and agreement between them all or to be able to acknowledge the disagreement and mitigate it. For example, is that shiny new role going to involve a task or attribute that you’re not super keen on – will it kill your “joie de vie” or would it be bearable for a while to achieve your bigger goal?

What are you making decisions about this week? Any you’re really  wrangling with? Maybe I can help. Give me a shout, drop me a line or maybe you have a cool technique or strategy for tough decisions, share it in the comments.

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out of inspiration – kickstart your mojo

I spent some of my time today surfing around online and reading emails instead of writing this b-mail. Why? I needed inspiration and there it was, I knew what to write about. How to get unstuck when you’re lacking inspiration.

Whether you’re wanting to get on with your day to day or strategize how you want to shape your life longer term, you’ll need some. You’re asked to write a comms piece at work or have friends coming to dinner – ouch mental block – a spot of Googling might just pop up the answer.

However the long term game is a bit different. Career change, such as switching to a new path, starting your own enterprise, or a life change, like ending a relationship or improving your fitness can need a different type of inspiration to take you from vague idea to achievable, exciting action.

First off, don’t sweat it. Inspiration will come.

Next, where do you usually get your inspiration from? Try those old faithful sources. No joy?

Sometimes, you need to try something out of your norm to get new, fresh results. Edward de Bono (yes him of the 6 hats fame) talks about stepping outside your rivers of thinking. Picture a mountain with several routes for water to flow down it – the water is going to take the easiest option and soon a wide valley is created. But around the edges are little streams, creeks and brooks – the route less travelled. Add a dam and the water seeks a new or alternative routes.

Your brain is just the same – gazillions of neural pathways exist and the ones most regularly travelled become wider and stronger, just like the river. By switching your inspiration method, tool or source, you create a new pathway and like any muscle, with use, it will grow stronger.

So, please have a borrow from some of my favourites. For small ‘a-ha’s of inspiration, check out:

  • pinterest – for words or pictures of wisdom and why not create a board of the thing you’re seeking to achieve?
  • brainpickings – a collection of great thinkers, presented in an easy to read visual format
  • twitter – a short sharp blast of exciting things from people you admire, desire, idolise, add you own word here
  • flick through an old book or two – you know the ones you could hardly put down and reminisce
  • change your workspace – clear the clutter, sit in the bath, face the window or go somewhere else
  • go for a walk – whether to grab a coffee or juice or around the nearest park, take 30 minutes out and try to really take in the sights, sound and smells
  • dance it out – stop, put some music on and do your happy dance, best dad dance, birdy dance….whatever comes to get your blood pumping in time with your songs

And now the big ones:

  • free writing – grab a favourite pen and a big piece of paper, then write. Anything. Pour it all out. No editing. Everything is valid. Let your mind wander until it strikes gold
  • ask a friend to teach you something they’re passionate about – knitting, a new recipe or a mediation technique. All good.
  • write yourself a letter – explain what you’re trying to do and what you need to get going
  • create a perfect patchwork role model of future you (or future job, house, body, etc.) from your various heros and heroines. Let me give you an example, you might want a fitness patchwork you based Jess Ennis-Hill’s abs with Laura Trott’s post race glow (how does she do it!?!) or your new career path might be stitched together from the atmosphere at your favourite coffee bar, a crowd of likeminded people and your personal favourite work items
  • seek others’ perspective – develop a list of questions you need answering and interview people who are doing what you want (or similar), those who have a “stake” in your change (your best mate, your mentor or your bank manager) AND anyone who can add a totally different point of view (your nemesis job holder, your overseas pen pal or a potential customer)
  • and breathe – you don’t need to do it all at once and the best made plans need to flex and grow over time to deliver the most amazing results possible

This week, I’d love you to flex your muscle, try out some new inspirations – go and dive into a new river – plus please share your best ones with us in the comments. I’d love some new dance tunes or a great book or person to stalk…I mean follow….. ahem 😉

  • David

    I’d suggest getting off the computer for a bit lol! Have a coffee with a friend – someone who is clever and independent and let them draw out from you what is already there. Because it is.

    • Sarae

      Hello David!
      You’re right, many of us are in technology overload with our computers, tablet devices, smartphones and the like on all the time.

      I love your sense that everyone is resourceful and can provide from within – a key belief I hold true as a coach.

      Thanks for commenting!

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